I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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