This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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