I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
