It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
