there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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