Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize