i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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