Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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