ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
