You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Send help, water and tortillas.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Floor bacon is actually really good
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