Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This is classic penis vs brain.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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