I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
