He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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