im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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