Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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