i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
