I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
