I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
