Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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