You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
