So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
