I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He passed out mid-signature
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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