I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
