so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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