she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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