He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
