there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
