Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
