yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
