he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I believe in your delicious
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
