u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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