I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
