He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize