I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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