wanna go halves on a baby?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
