Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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