you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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