Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
