I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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