Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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