Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize