So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
