my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
