I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
