Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
