Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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