Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
