How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
