Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
