DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
