I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize