I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize