That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
