Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
