I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
