im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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