I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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