Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
