he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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