I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
handjob tips. give me some.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
