I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
