I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
