Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
