On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The ass gains better be worth it
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