he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
