I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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