BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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