After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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