Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
