hotel room ftw
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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