Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
