He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
