He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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