you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
