And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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