you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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