I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
