Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
