There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
