So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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