my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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