My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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