i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
