Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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