kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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