I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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