Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
