I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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