I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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