do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
