You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
