I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
