When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
