People in love make me want to vomit
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
