And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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