Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
