Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
