my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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