If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
