She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize