People with herpes should wear stickers.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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